Ask RoyEd and Yullen!
by KissMeDeadlyT-T
Summary: Boredom struck, so I made a thing in which you can ask Edward, Roy, Alphonse, Winry or Hawkeye a RoyEd-related question or ask Allen, Kanda, Lavi or Lenalee a Yullen-related one. This will obviously contain yaoi. For full instructions and details, see inside. :D Set as complete but I will be constantly adding to it whenever I receive questions. On a brief hiatus.
1. Intro: FMA

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: I've seen a bunch of these around different fandoms, on Tumblr and FFN and whatnot, so I've decided to start one of my own, because why the hell not? It's obvious that RoyEd and Yullen are my top OTPs so I figure I might as well. Plus, I haven't done anything for Yullen in a long time, but I wanted to do this for Roy/Ed too, so I was like "What the heck! I'll make a crossover!"**

**So, here's the deal: Leave questions in a PM, and I'll make a short chapter for each question to answer it. Please be specific and tell me **_**who**_** you're asking, and from which manga.**

**For FMA, you can ask: Edward, Roy, Alphonse, Winry, Hawkeye**

**For DGM, you can ask: Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee**

**Oh, and keep in mind that the questions have to be RoyEd and Yullen related. An example could be something like "Lenalee, have you ever walked in on Allen and Kanda doing the do?" or "Alphonse, why do you think Ed and Roy work as a couple?" or "Kanda, does Allen have any secret kinks that you like?" or some shit like that. Idk. You guys are probably more creative than me. :D**

_**TL;DR: Leave a PM asking a Yullen or Roy/Ed related question (it can be anything so long as it relates to that) to a specific person or group of persons and I will answer it in a chapter, sort of like this one. Capiche?**_

UPDATE: 

**_IMPORTANT SHIT AHEAD_**

**Okay, so, I decided I'm gonna leave the fic up, but I'm gonna have to change it so that if you want to leave a question, you have to PM it. I'm sorry, I know it's stupid, but I don't want to delete this story or my account like I was threatened would happen. I don't mind getting PMs, really, and I always answer so it should be okay, right? I guess if you're on anonymous you can leave a question in the reviews but please guys I don't want to lose anything so just bear with me and the rules of …**

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**Fandom: FMA**

**Question: "So, all of you, what do you think of this idea?" by me because yooo**

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Edward scowled, crossing his arms across his chest and slinking low in the cushiony leather couch of the General's office. He was less than impressed with the recent turn of events, and he made that painfully obvious in every one of his actions. "This," he said in a dangerously irate tone, "is the stupidest idea I've ever heard."

"Don't be so stubborn," the youngest Elric reprimanded lightly from the couch across from him, honey eyes glittering with obvious mirth at his brother's gruff embarrassment. "I think this is a great idea. It's the perfect way for you two to finally come out of the closet." Then, thoughtfully, he added, "Officially, anyway, because I'm pretty sure a lot of people have figured it out."

"Who says I want to?" Ed grumbled into his collar, ignoring that last bit aside from throwing Alphonse a half-assed glare.

"You did, the other day," said Roy from his desk. He finished the final loop of the _g_ in his name before he set down his pen, leaning back in his chair for a moment to shoot the disgruntled Edward a wry look. "I seem to recall you bitching about how much it sucked that we had to pretend we weren't 'banging every other night and getting sweet on each other all the damn time' and that you really wished we could just drop the whole thing and 'fucking just be out'. So," he said, absently skimming another paper, "this is essentially the easiest way for you to get that wish, unless you're fond of the idea of me kissing you in front of everyone."

Ed flushed; he remembered saying that. He regretted it now that it was being used against him. "Ugh…" he groaned, covering his face warily with a hand. "No," he muttered. "I'd really rather you didn't."

"Come on, Edwaaard," Havoc chimed in from his desk on the other side of the room. A wide, sleazy grin spread across his face. "You guys are _adorable_. Spread the love, why dontcha."

Ed sputtered for a moment, his face steadily growing redder until it was faintly reminiscent of the red coat he always used to wear. "It's illegal," he finally got out, his voice weak. "We can't."

"You're eighteen now," Roy pointed out. "Therefore it's not illegal."

"So?" Ed screeched, finally losing the weak grip he'd had on his temper. "It's still fraternization between co-workers, which _is_ illegal, even if I'm an adult. I-L-L-E-G—"

"Noooope," Breda called from the other end of the room, interrupting Ed's panicked rambling. "It isn't illegal anymore, actually. Fuhrer Grumman changed that law. It'll only be stopped if it begins affecting your work. Which it isn't," he pointed out. "In fact, I think it's helping. You know how damn hard it was to work in here when you two weren't together? God, the sexual tension in the air. It was _killing_ me."

Fuery offered a timid smile in an attempt to distract Ed from that blunt comment because it was obvious that Ed was about to have an emotional breakdown; eyes wide, face red, jaw slack, the works. "Really," Fuery said lightly, "it's only frowned upon these days. No one can really _stop_ you."

"Plus," Falman spoke up, "with the status you two have in the military, and the fact that you're both renowned heroes concerning the Promised Day, no one would even _consider_ questioning it."

"But— but—" Ed sputtered for another moment, searching desperately for a reason why they couldn't, since all of his previous ones were kicked out the proverbial window. "We're both men," he finally got out, pathetically.

"That is pretty taboo," Al admitted, "but it's getting better. Homosexuality is a _little_ more accepted in society than it used to be."

"See!" Ed said triumphantly. "We can't! It's not allowed within society! Suck on that!"

"The only ones who care don't matter, and the ones who matter don't care," Hawkeye said without sparing a glance from her work. "Plus, Edward, when have you _ever_ conformed to society's whims? Now," she said, shooting them all a cool look, "how about you all shut up and get back to work?"

"Listen to her," Roy said, scanning black eyes across the tittering group. "We don't have time to waste discussing Edward's squeamishness towards PDA." His gaze fell on the squirming blond, who sat there avoiding everyone's eyes, and the urge to poke fun took over. He raised his eyebrows.

"Fullmetal," he said.

Ed's eyes snapped up and he glared. "Flame," he retorted in an equally cool voice, if not a bit snarkier. Al snickered. Ed kicked his shin. Al squeaked and fell silent.

"You know," Roy said calmly, turning his face back down to his paperwork to hide a smirk, "you did an awful job covering up that hickey. You might want to consider wearing a higher collar for the next few days."

There was a collective snigger as Ed hastily slapped a hand to the small bruise on his neck, the flush on his cheeks creeping down and under the hand and touching his ears too. "Damn it," he groaned, covering his eyes with the back of his arm as he leaned back on the couch. "This is a _terrible_ idea."

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**KissMeDeadlyT-T: There, something like that, for each ask. What do you guys think? If this isn't a good idea, let me know. I'm just trying it out, and if it isn't successful, I'll just remove it.**

**So… ask away, if you want.**


	2. DGM: Lavi

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Oh and I forgot to mention, I might not do them in order. Yeahhhh. And I wrote this one real quick just so that this could have an official first chapter with an ask from a reader. :D**

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**Fandom: DGM **

**Question: **Guestguestguest: _"Lavi, does it creep you out to think two of your best buds are dating?"_

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Lavi grinned broadly at the question. "You know what, I'm gonna be honest. I think it's freakin' hilarious. I mean, they argued like a married couple since day one, and Lenalee and I were always thinking that it was only a matter of time before one of them jumped the other. And then it did, and we sort of just rolled with it because we knew it was coming anyway."

His mind drifted to the two best buds in question; Kanda, with his short fuse and bipolar tendencies, and Allen, with his sweet smile and humongous appetite and low tolerance for bullshit. He often wondered how they even _worked_ as a couple. There was more arguing than anything, and if it were anyone else, he'd probably be afraid of his friends being in an abusive relationship. As it was, he couldn't really picture them being anything _but_; even if he didn't really get why they could still tolerate each other enough to have anything close to a working mutual romance.

"I'm pretty sure the only one who's creeped out by it is Timcanpy," Lavi said with a snicker. "But that's just 'cause he's been there one too many times when Allen or Yuu forget to let him out of the room before romping like the freaks they are. I mean, Tim was General Cross' golem before, so he must be used to stuff like this, but it probably disturbs him to no end to see Allen fucking Kanda into oblivion." He chuckled. "So, in short, no, it doesn't creep me out whatsoever. In fact, I think it's adorable~"


	3. FMA: Alphonse

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Awesome! I didn't expect to get this many questions, to be honest! Thanks guys! I'm gonna answer them all ASAP. I've got nothing better to do for the next like, three days, so I'll probably get a bunch done then.**

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**Fandom: FMA**

**Question: **Guestguestguest: _"Alphonse, have you ever wondered why Ed started dating Roy? Did you ask, if so, what did he reply?"_

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Alphonse was not surprised by the question in the least. He'd been asked this many times, and each time his answer was the same: "Oh, you bet I did. I wasn't surprised, really, but I didn't quite understand the chemistry between them. They're essentially complete opposites; I didn't understand how Brother could deal with the Colonel's aloofness or how Mustang could put up with Ed's hot-headedness." He paused. The subject was a bit touchy with Ed, but he _had_ asked; as reluctant and nervous as he was about questioning it, he had a morbid curiosity when it came to knowing how things worked, so he couldn't resist asking. "I asked Ed what made him realize he wanted to go out with the Colonel, and I wasn't disappointed by his answer. A bit embarrassed, I guess, but it made sense. They were just two short fuses ready to go off at any point, and, well, apparently they did."

He could still remember when he'd asked Ed, as if it was yesterday. The way Ed's eyes had widened, just a little, at the question; the way his cheeks flared bright red; the way he suddenly couldn't get comfortable on the chair and sat there squirming and fidgeting and picking at an imaginary loose thread on his shirt.

"He was so embarrassed," Al said with a slight laugh, "but I think I was more embarrassed than he was when he said put on a tough voice to hide his awkwardness and said something like, 'Well, Al, when you're beating the shit out of a man and you realize he looks really fucking good with blood smeared everywhere on his face, you sort of realize that you're completely fucked over because your brain decides to short out and make you want to fuck him.'" Al laughed again, cheeks reddening. "Gate, it was _so_ awkward. I didn't know what to say. I guess their relationship started out because they both wanted the sex— but they both ended up getting in too deep and now they're so in love it's almost sickening. But I'm happy for them." He smiled softly. "Ed's life hasn't been easy, but I think being with the Colonel makes it just a bit easier for him."


	4. DGM: Lenalee

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Jeeez, I've got a lot of things to answer! Anyway, I'm trying to do it so that it goes FMA, DGM, FMA, DGM... so I'm really glad there's a good mix of questions for each one. Thanks guyssss. *dorky grin***

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**Fandom: DGM**

**Question: **Guestguestguest: _"Lenalee, what's the dirtiest thing you've ever seen Kanda and Allen do?_**"**

***Note: This one's rated M. ;3**

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"Don't you fucking _dare answer this question_," Kanda growled, ceasing his meditation immediately in favour of turning to face the Chinese girl beside him, whose delicate cheeks had taken on a rosy tint.

Lenalee ignored Kanda's threat, knowing that he would never _actually_ do anything to harm her, since she would just deliver back anything he tried ten times worse and add an extra punch to the face for taste. "Well," she said slowly, biting on her bottom lip in thought. "You know, I've seen a lot. They aren't very discreet sometimes." Kanda continued glaring next to her, but she paid him no mind; he was as harmless as dandelion puffs in a soft summer breeze when it came to her. "Let me think for a moment."

Then, when a certain memory struck her, her hands left where they'd been resting softly in her lap to come up and cover her suddenly too-hot cheeks. "Oh," she said with a slight giggle, biting her lip in girlish, second-hand embarrassment. She couldn't _believe_ she was about to say this. Kanda had stopped glaring by now and instead just looked like he wanted to die, burying his face in his palms and releasing a long groan of misery as Lenalee giggled again and said, "A couple weeks ago, Komui asked me to fetch Allen for a mission assignment, so I went to his room. I didn't really think and I just knocked once and walked in without waiting for an answer, since I usually do that anyway. Allen doesn't care. Anyway, I guess I should have waited for an answer this time, because Kanda was there…"

"For god's sake, woman," Kanda snarled. "Stop _talking_."

Lenalee's sheepish grin took on a naughty air and she chuckled somewhat evilly. "Allen was… well…" Her face flushed even more until she was an impossibly bright shade of cherry red. "He was… sitting on Kanda… erm, on his… his face… and—"

"_I am going to fucking_—"

"Kanda, shh, I'm trying to tell a story," Lenalee chided, swatting his arm absently before continuing, "Anyway, so Kanda had his fingers in, um… _you know_. _There_. And er…" She waved her hand next to her face, blowing cool air at her hot cheeks, letting out an awkward laugh. "He had… his… tongue. In there too." Her face darkened a whole gradient higher and a high-pitched squeal like air escaping a tire erupted from her throat; her hands flying up to cover her eyes as something like a hysterical giggle clawed its way out. Kanda, meanwhile, was sitting in the corner under a cloud of gloom, growing a mini farm of mushrooms and poking at the ground sullenly. "It was so— _uhhhh_, I don't even _know_." Lenalee took a shaky breath. "Anyway, that was amongst some of the dirtier things I've seen. I'm sure they've done worse, though."

"We have _not_," came Kanda's biting reply, like nails on a chalkboard.

"Yes," Lenalee whispered with a quirk of her pink lips. "They _totally_ have."


	5. FMA: Hawkeye

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Holy crap, some of the questions you guys are coming up with are awesome. There was someone, only one person so far, who asked a question to Roy and Kanda at the same time, mixing the fandoms, and I just wanted to add in that you guys _can_ do that. :)**

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**Fandom: FMA**

**Question: **Guestguestguest:_"Riza, what did you think about the closet 'ghost'?" _

**Note: This refers to chapter 39 of **_**The Shenanigans of Flame and Fullmetal**_**, my drabble series.**

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"The closet ghost?" Riza said dryly, lifting claret eyes from the pile of documents she was filing. She didn't really want to think about it at all, actually. "Let's just say that I'm not as blind as the rest of the Colonel's staff seems to be." Her eyes swept over the empty desks of her colleagues that had long since left the office for the day. "After Falman told us about the supposedly haunted closet, and after I saw the way that the Colonel and Edward reacted, it wasn't hard to put two and two together. Not to mention the fact that Edward's blushing was so blatantly obvious that it's almost embarrassing how oblivious everyone was. And the Colonel doesn't act so teasing for just _anybody_."

Her eyes softened. "I suppose I'm happy for them, but I really wish that they wouldn't do things like that on military property." She shook her head with a smirk. "I think it's safe to say that if they ever do it again— not that either of them have the nerve now that they know they were overheard— they won't be in the closet anymore, so to speak."


	6. DGM: Allen

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: HELP ME GUYS THIS IS SERIOUS SHIT**

**So, I received a PM telling me this story goes against the rules of this site, seeing as how the chapter responses are fuelled by your guys' reviews. I guess I can understand that, but I didn't think it broke the rules so much as… treaded the line between breaking them and following them, so to speak. I mean, other than that, it isn't breaking any rules, and even then I'm not directly making the characters speak to you, so it's essentially fine aside from the whole review-question-thing. I want to keep this up, but I don't want to get in trouble for it. What should I do? :c**

**I was told it was allowed so long as the questions were sent over PM, but I don't find that really is any different from this. The chapters are still going to consist of the characters' responses to your questions. I just… I don't really know what to do. Help would be appreciated. *sobs at your feet***

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**Fandom: DGM**

**Question: **EveningBlack: _"Allen! How often do you top? :D"_

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Allen's normally cheerful grin was suddenly evil, like the one he wore playing cards. "A _lot_ more than Kanda will admit." And it was true; on the rare occasions when Kanda would admit they were together, he would vehemently deny ever being the submissive, because according to him, _'I'm not a fucking little bitch, Walker, so don't go telling people I am_.'It was entirely different behind closed doors, though, but Kanda would _probably_ (almost definitely) slice him if he ever tried proving it. "Hm… basically, if we had sex five times, three times I would top him." A smug air surrounded him. "Kanda likes to think he can't be tamed, but he's _totally_ my bitch."


	7. FMA: Roy

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: **_**IMPORTANT SHIT AHEAD**_

**Okay, so, I decided I'm gonna leave the fic up, but I'm gonna have to change it so that if you want to leave a question, you have to PM it. I'm sorry, I know it's stupid, but I don't want FF to delete this story or my account like I was threatened would happen. I don't mind getting PMs, really, and I always answer so it should be okay, right? I guess if you're on anonymous you can leave a question in the reviews but please guys I don't want to lose anything so just bear with me and the rules of this site…**

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**Fandom: FMA**

**Question: **EveningBlack: _"Roy! Is Ed really the romantic type? Anything that will make him turn into a squirming ball of fluff and blushies?"_

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Roy couldn't help the soft smile that curled his lips. "Edward… is strange," he said after a moment of contemplation. "He's not romantic at all in some ways; he doesn't like me holding the door for him, he doesn't like when I call him cutesy names— god, he _hates_ it," he said with a laugh. "He turns bright red and screams that he's not a girl; it's adorable, really. He doesn't like it when I take him to nice restaurants, he isn't the fondest of sweet letters— but, although he won't admit it, he's a huge sap when it comes to things like cuddling and kissing, and he absolutely loves it when I play with his hair and when I just touch him. He likes to protest and pretend he doesn't love it, but he always ends up blushing and grumbling and turning into… well, a squirming ball of fluff and blushies.""

His cheeks heated up and a silly, ridiculous stutter happened in his ribcage; like his heart had forgotten how to beat and was melting, right out of his chest cavity and all over the floor, at the thought of Ed's sweeter side. Luckily, he had practice keeping a straight face, despite his flush. "Sometimes, when we make love, I'll do it slow and soft and just kiss him and tell him over and over how much I love him, and he blushes so hard and sometimes he even tears up in the heat of the moment. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic," he chuckled slightly, "but I think it's the most beautiful thing in the world. So, I'll say yes," he finished up. "Ed isn't the most romantic guy out there, but he _is_ romantic. He'll deny it to the ends of the earth, but he is."


	8. DGM: Lavi 2

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: Hey guys, sorry for the lack of updates, I had no internet for a couple days.**

**And to answer some of your guys' questions, yeah I'll finish the questions I received in the reviews, but I'd like all NEW questions in the form of PMs. That'd be nice so I don't get bitched out again, ya know?**

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**Fandom: DGM**

**Question: **KKChibiChop: _"Lavi, have you ever joined in with Allen and Kanda?"_

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Lavi's cheeks dusted a light pink and he released a nervous laugh. One hand came up to scratch awkwardly at the back of his head. "When you say _join in_… I'm guessing you don't mean joined in on like, a conversation, or something that isn't insanely embarrassing." For a moment, he tittered there, silence weighing down on him heavily. Finally, he let out a long sigh. "Well… there _was_ this one time… it was the first night we were all together for a week or two, so we went and snuck some sake from Jeryy's cupboards… please don't tell him," he said, paling suddenly. "He'd kill us."

And Lavi did not fancy the idea of being beaten to a bloody and broken pulp by the Indian that for the life of him Lavi swore wielded that ladle like Kanda wielded his Mugen.

"Yuu didn't want to, but Allen and I convinced him to loosen up." Lavi chuckled. "You'd be surprised at how much of a lightweight Yuu is, but after just a few drinks he was talking and even laughing. I think the only one who wasn't drunk at that point was Allen, since his parasitic Innocence just eats the alcohol up…" He trailed off, his cheeks reddening as the rest of that night replayed in his mind like a dirty pornographic tape. "Yuu got… well, he got horny. He straddled Allen— who was pissing himself laughing, by the way— and was basically dry-humping him until Allen finally gave in, and me being a drunk idiot…" He shut his eyes, his embarrassment flooding his face red. "Well, I climbed on top. Neither of them complained. Hell, I can barely remember most of the rest of what happened, I was so wasted, but… I'm pretty sure Yuu got it from both of us. And Allen from him, at some point, and me… god, I have no idea, but I touched dicks with them so many times that night that there's no shame left between us now and we sort of just have this mutual acceptance that that night probably brought out a little gay in me. Only a little, though."


	9. DGM: Kanda

**Fandom: DGM**

**Question: **MasquedAngel: _"Kanda: What is it about Allen that you love the most?"_

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Kanda really, really hated answering these stupid questions. He did _not_ enjoy spilling his heart out, much less to a bunch of chaotic strangers that he was sure wanted nothing more than to get a gleeful peek at himself and the damned beansprout going at it. They were just covering up their dark intentions with cutesy questions like this one, he was sure of it.

He glared down at his soba and debated ignoring the question. He'd probably get a bunch of shit from Lenalee and the others later if he did something rude like that, though, so he begrudgingly said, "He's… stubborn." After a moment, he seemed to decide that that wasn't really a good answer. He frowned. "The beansprout is the most annoying person in the entire world, but if I _had_ to choose something… it'd be his will." A light flush spread across his cheeks, continuing down to his neck as he forced himself to elaborate. "He's cursed. His life has been probably one of the most fucked up things I've ever heard of in my life, and that's saying something, and now, he has this Noah inside of him, changing him." His tone took on a possessive edge; he didn't like others trying to take one of the few things he considered precious. "But he keeps smiling. He knows he's fucked, and I can see the pain in his eyes— but he keeps smiling, and even though it's damn annoying, I… I admire it. Nothing has ever been easy for him, not even being… with me. I guess I can't blame him for that. But he never gives up. He's never once considered it. He's so stubborn he puts Lenalee to shame, and while I don't necessarily mean it as a compliment…" He trailed off, a soft look crossing his features. "I have to admit that I love him for it."

Then, his tone returned to its usual gruff state and he glared down at his soba once more. "Now," he said icily, his cheeks dark red, "go away. And don't you _dare_," he injected a lethal dose of venom into the word, "tell Allen, or so help me, I will run you through with Mugen."


	10. FMA: Roy 2

**Fandom: FMA**

MasquedAngel: _Roy: What is it that first attracted you to Ed?_

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"It's my witty charm and captivating beauty," Ed said with a sleazy grin.

Roy planted a hand on Ed's cheek and shoved him away. "Go away, Ed, this is my question."

"Screw you!" Ed exclaimed, struggling against the push. "I think I have this covered. I'm right, aren't I?" He narrowed his eyes and dropped his voice. "I'm _totally_ right," he whispered with a coy smirk.

"No, you are not," Roy said impatiently. "Now get out of here."

Ed stuck his tongue out and glowered as he turned and left to the kitchen, but not before declaring, "Just for that, I'm gonna eat all the cookies you made."

Roy sighed in frustration as Ed disappeared behind the counters, no doubt ransacking the cupboards for where Roy had hidden the cookies earlier. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm even attracted to him," Roy said warily. Shaking his head, he became serious and said, "I honestly am not sure _why_ I started feeling this way about Ed. Or when, for that matter. It just slowly occurred to me that the feelings weren't exactly… as strictly professional as they should have been. At first, I hated myself for it— and how could I not?" he said, mostly to himself. "Edward was fifteen when I realized— I was twenty-nine, going on thirty. The age gap was, and still is, huge, and I was absolutely disgusted with myself for even _thinking_ about him like that. I don't know exactly what it was that first caught my attention, but I've always admired his strength. He just doesn't give up. He's been through hell more times than I like to think about and even though he's broken down and given up a few times, he never lost hope.

"I think that was what truly captivated me in the first place, before the feelings even became romantic. When I saw him in that wheelchair, I could see a flame in his eyes. That flame has never once died out, not since I've known him, and I think that's it." He hesitated, then, unsure if he was just rambling now. He probably was. His mind tended to wander a lot when it came to the topic of his snarky blond partner. "I've always had a particular liking towards fire, and to me, Ed's determination is something _like_ fire— so naturally, I was drawn to him. And I can honestly say that I don't regret it one bit."


	11. FMA: Winry

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: I'm still getting questions in the reviews. Listen, I want to answer them, but I'd really like it if you would PM them to me like I asked. Okay? I'm sorry, I just don't want to get in more shit than I already have. Someone else PMd me and told me something similar to my first warning, but this one was a lot kinder, and I guess they were just a reader or something because they didn't claim to be a part of some eliminating group or anything, which was nice. But still, that's two times. Please? Otherwise I'm just plain deleting this. **

**Oh, and thanks for the reviews, even if they're short, I'm loving 'em.**

**Another thing: I kinda threw in a headcanon I have for the Brotherhood version only that Winry harbours one of those stupid crushes on Roy. Nothing with real affection. Just a stupid sparkly-eye goddamn ur great crush. **

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**Fandom: FMA**

therealladyearth: Winry, have you ever attacked Roy, now that he's dating Ed?

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"Attacked the Colonel?" Winry repeated, aghast. She shook her head quickly, extremely flustered for reasons she didn't want to delve into— because she _totally_ didn't have a tiny, miniscule, secret crush on the older man's handsomeness, not even a little bit. "I wouldn't ever _attack_ him, unless he hurt Edward in any way." Her face darkened, fingers twitching as if searching for a wrench. Stupid, girlish crush or not, _no one_ hurt her Elric babies and got away with it. "If he ever did something like that, I wouldn't hesitate to chuck a wrench at his head. Edward might have gotten used to it, but the Colonel hasn't and he wouldn't know what hit him. I'd make sure he'd never even _think_ of hurting Ed again."

Then, a grin lit up her face. "Actually, you know what? Sometime after they first came out to me, I think I did pull a wrench on him and threaten him. Oh, yeah, I remember it now." She nodded, grin broadening. "We were at Ed and Al's inn, in Central, and the Colonel dropped by— at first I thought it was to bitch at Ed or something, but then they told me, and I guess I just got a _bit_ carried away because I just grabbed the nearest wrench and told him that I didn't give a damn if he was a soldier or not— if he hurt one of my brothers, he would know true pain."


	12. DGM: Allen 2

**Fandom: DGM**

therealladyearth: _Allen, has Kanda ever gotten the couch treatment?_

***Note: Err… I genuinely do not know what the couch treatment is. xD I'm hoping I got it right. **

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Allen cocked his head, slightly puzzled. "The couch treatment?" he said through a mouthful of sweet and sour chicken. "What's that?"

Lenalee piped up from where she sat beside him and his billion plates of food. "I think it means that Kanda pissed you off so bad you made him sleep on the couch." She made a face. "I'm not sure, though."

"Oh." Allen didn't even have to think about it before swallowing his mouthful and saying, "Definitely. I mean, we have our separate rooms, so it's not really_ couch_ treatment, usually… it's more like _go sleep in your own room, you bastard_ treatment." He took another bite of food, chewed thoughtfully, then added, "During missions, though, if he pisses me off too bad or if we have another stupid fight, I purposely take up all the space on the bed so that he's forced to sleep on the couch or the floor. Does that count?"


	13. DGM: Lavi 3

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: I figured I'd add two chapters at once since this one's a pretty short response.**

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**Fandom: DGM**

OokamiHime567: _Lavi, have you ever wanted to watch Allen and Kanda do the deed?_

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Lavi snorted aloud. "_Watch_ them? Honey, I _joined _them." Insert sassy snap and head movement here. "Okay, okay— yeah, I've wanted to, because let's face it. Yuu and Allen are hot. And I have. Watched, I mean. I'm not sure if they know, so let's keep that between us, yeah?" He winked. "The whole idea of them ganging up on me isn't all that appealing to me, and even though we _did_ have that one drunken night where I joined in, I don't think they'd be okay with me _watching_."


	14. FMA: Roy 3

**Fandom: FMA**

xxDarkSeceretxx: Roy: What does Ed do that turns you on the most? ;)

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A wide grin spread across Roy's face. "You know what, I can't really say _one_ _thing_ that turns me on the most, because everything he does is almost unbearably sexy and quite frankly makes me want to pin him to the nearest surface and just fuck his brains out." The grin turned a bit naughty. "I really like it when he walks around in my shirt, though. He'll be completely naked except for the shirt and he's grown quite a bit so it doesn't hang as low as it would have years ago, and leaves essentially nothing to the imagination. Not that I need to imagine."

He imagined that somewhere in the distance, there was an Edward Elric blushing furiously right now, and the thought made his grin widen.

"Sometimes I'll walk in on him doing his stretches, and that could instantly turn anyone on— do you know how flexible he is? He can bend in ways you can't even imagine. And he does." For a moment, the thought that he really was a pervert flitted through his mind, but he ignored it, because he knew he was and he didn't really care all that much, if he was being honest. At least he could answer a question like this shamelessly and without batting an eye. "In bed, sometimes he'll play extremely submissive, and make me make him beg for it— I think that's probably my biggest kink, now that I think about it. There's just something about seeing him like that, pleading for it…"


	15. DGM: Allen and Kanda

**Fandom: DGM**

xxDarkSeceretxx: _Allen & Kanda: How many people have accidentally walked in while you were doing you know what ;D, and who were they and what was their reaction?_

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The question hung awkwardly between them for a moment. Allen looked awkward, his cheeks dusted a light pink (which, against his hair, looked darker than it really was). Kanda, on the other hand, looked mildly pissed off, and his flush really _was_ dark. He stared stubbornly at the ground in refusal to answer the question, leaving it up to Allen.

Sighing, Allen attempted to tone down the blush. When it became apparent that it wasn't happening, he forced a grin that looked terribly awkward and said, "Honestly? I… can't put a number to it. It's happened so many times that I stopped counting…"

"Seventeen," Kanda said, voice like nails on a chalkboard. "It's happened _seventeen _times."

Allen cringed, reddening further. "Uhh… as for how many _people_… Lenalee did, a couple times… Lavi takes up, like, ten of the seventeen times… Krory did once, that was _hilarious_."

"No it was not!" Kanda said, affronted.

"Oh come _on_. You have to admit that seeing him screech like that and run the other way was freaking funny."

"No."

"Anyway," Allen went on, rolling his eyes when Kanda wasn't paying attention, "The only other people who've ever walked in are Johnny and Reever, but that was completely Kanda's fault for starting shit in the _hallway_. What did you say?" he said distractedly, looking to Kanda, who glared right back. "Something like… it's late so no one will be awake. Five seconds later, Johnny and Reever walk around the corner. Talk about _awkward_."

Kanda just grumbled.

"Reactions…" Allen mused, since it seemed Kanda had said all he was going to say. "Lenalee kind of just… blushed really hard and stared. Kinda like this." He made his eyes huge and dropped his jaw. "Lavi does one of two things— he either turns beet red and awkwardly backs away or stands there and watches. He's a bit of a pervert, but I guess I can't really blame him." A wicked smirk curled his mouth. "Who _doesn't_ want to see Kanda moaning like a slut?"

Kanda whacked him across the back of the head with the blunt end of his ever-present Mugen. "You know what, bean sprout? Fuck you."

"If you insist," Allen grinned, rubbing at the sore spot. Kanda's glare in response was nothing short of venomous. Allen rolled his eyes again and continued explaining. "Krory freaked out and bolted it the other way. Reever started laughing his butt off and told us to 'stay safe, kids,'" he imitated Reever's voice with a small flush, "and Johnny… I think Johnny was speechless. I don't think I've ever seen anyone turn so red so fast. Reever had to drag him away because he was so stunned he couldn't move." The memory made him burst into laughter. Kanda stared at him, absolutely horrified.

After a minute, he looked away and muttered, "At least we managed to look decent that one time when Cross barged in." When Allen stared at him blankly, he furrowed his brow. "We were… you know… then he came in yelling something obnoxious like usual." Allen continued looking blank. Kanda sighed, exasperated. "You don't remember?"

"No," Allen said in a tiny voice. "I remember."

"What the fuck, bean sprout."

"I think it was so traumatizing that my brain tried to block it out," Allen murmured, looking pale. He forced a smile. "We've learned our lesson, though."

Kanda nodded sullenly. "We lock the doors, now."


	16. FMA: Roy 4

**KissMeDeadlyT-T: You know what? Fuck it. Leave questions in the reviews. People are still doing it and I haven't gotten any more warnings, nor has anything actually come from the two that I've gotten. **

**So yeah. Reviews are open for questions again :D**

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**Fandom: FMA**

yaoifangirl: _Roy: Do you have any cute nicknames for Ed?_

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"Neither of us is really big on the whole cute nicknames thing," Roy admitted. "Sometimes, if I'm feeling particularly sappy, I'll call him darling or something like that— but he always bitches at me that he's not a girl, so that usually only happens after sex or something, when he's too tired and cuddly to care. We do insult each other a lot, though," he said thoughtfully. "I'd have to say that the closest thing to a cute nickname I have for him is 'shrimp'." He laughed a bit. "Of course, he complains about that too, and calls me a bastard, but I suppose it would be really weird if we started calling each other things like 'honey' or 'sweetie' or something." He made a face. "As unromantic as it is, I think I'll stick with the insults."


	17. DGM: Allen 3

**DON'T WORRY Owlwho2 I DO LOVE YOU IMMA ANSWER THOSE QUESTIONS DON'T YOU WORRY**

**(sorry I needed to get that off my chest I love you all ok)**

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**Fandom: DGM**

15th Noah: _Allen, has Kanda ever majorly ticked you off by, say, stealing your food? Or something like that? :D_

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"Kanda doesn't usually eat anything except for tempura soba or tea." Allen looked insulted at the idea of his food being stolen. "He has picked at my stuff before, though. And yes, it ticks me off to no end. I've lost count of the number of times I've stabbed his hand for trying to stealthily steal something." He scowled. He really didn't like people messing with his food, not even his lover. It was simply inexcusable.

He tapped his fingers on his knee, subconsciously thinking about food now. "Usually, he only picks at vegetables, which I can sort of deal with." He paused and a dark look came over his face. "But when he starts picking at my sweet and sour chicken, that's where I draw the line and threaten his life. Luckily, he doesn't eat sweets, so he never picks at my desserts— but I still can't forgive him for the sweet and sour chicken. No amount of apologies or whatever Kanda tries to do will ever make it truly okay."


	18. FMA: Winry 2

steferstheawesome: _Winry, what was your reaction to finding out the two of them were dating? xD_

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Contrary to popular belief, Winry did_ not_ flip her lid on the two of them when she first learnt they were dating. Well, she _did_ stand there for a moment in absolute shock, looking between them, wondering how in the _hell_ that had started, then deciding that she probably didn't want to know.

"I guess I was a bit… surprised. To say the least." She shrugged. "I think I was a bit disappointed, too— at that point, I'm pretty sure I still had feelings for Edward. I don't anymore, of course— he's too much of a brat and even though I do love him, I'm not entirely sure it's romantic now. I kinda just… stood there staring at them. At first I thought it was all a joke, but then I thought that if it _was_ a joke, it'd be way too damn unrealistic for me to believe it, and I think that's what got me thinking that yeah, it was real." She smirked a bit. "I'm not going to lie and say I didn't give Roy the Talk, though. The look in that man's eyes when I told him what I'd do if he ever hurt Ed…" Her fingers twitched, probably itching for a wrench.

Shaking her head, she added, "It was a relief, too. I was sort of thinking that there was something weird with Ed— like he had some sort of emotional deficiency or something, since he'd never shown interest in anyone. But…" A soft look crossed her face. "They looked so happy together— oh, and they argued, as usual— and I think that's the real reason I wasn't as upset as I would have been."


	19. FMA: Ed

**Fandom: FMA**

therealladyearth: _Ed, do you think Roy is womanly?_

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"I guess that depends on how you define _womanly_," Ed grinned roguishly. "If you're talking the stereotypical housewife womanly, then yeah. I'd say he is. He's constantly baking and cleaning and calling me cutesy pet-names that really make me wonder how people don't feel the gay radiating from him." An imaginary shiver of dread rippled down his spine as he imagined his lover's reaction to that particular description. "Okay, no. For the most part you can't really tell. Not that it matters. Ugh, anyway, I'm gonna go with yeah, he's kinda a girl. Not that I'm saying he's not masculine. 'Cause he definitely has some masculine qualities. Like the ability to fuck me into the mattress until I can't walk to next day." He flushed slightly. "Yeah," he murmured under his breath. "I'd like to see a girl do _that_."


End file.
